Concise ramblings of a stoner

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Saturday, October 12, 2013

This was emailed to me........
How To Spend Stimulus Money


Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q.. Where will the government get this money ? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala . * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea . * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in America by: 1) Spending it at yard sales, or 2) Going to ball games, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Beer or 5) Tattoos. (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. ) Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day ! No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help. Tom VanSelus : this was emailed to me......easy answer.....buy local.....local craftsmen, local markets, etc.....by the way, money spent at the game will help support your underprivileged multimillion dollar sports hero and striving small business owners like: NFL Owners in Forbes 400 Owner Team Net Worth Paul Allen Seattle Seahawks $15.8 billion Stan Kroenke St. Louis Rams $5.3 billion Stephen Ross Miami Dolphins $4.8 billion Malcolm Glazer Tampa Bay Buccaneers $4.5 billion Shahid Khan Jacksonville Jaguars $3.8 billion Jerry Jones Dallas Cowboys $3 billion Robert Kraft New England Patriots $2.9 billion Stephen Bisciotti Baltimore Ravens $2.1 billion Bob McNair Houston Texans $2 billion Arthur Blank Atlanta Falcons $1.7 billion Jim Irsay Indianapolis Colts $1.6 billion Jimmy Haslam Cleveland Browns $1.45 billion William Ford Sr. Detroit Lions $1.4 billion Tom Benson New Orleans Saints $1.3 billion