Saturday, October 12, 2013

This was emailed to me........

How To Spend Stimulus Money
Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. 
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers. 
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:      
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. 
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China       
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or    
2) Going to ball games, or  
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or    
4) Beer or    
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
Tom VanSelus : this was emailed to me......easy local.....local craftsmen, local markets, the way, money spent at the game will help support your underprivileged multimillion dollar sports hero and striving small business owners like: NFL Owners in Forbes 400 Owner Team Net Worth
Paul Allen Seattle Seahawks $15.8 billion
Stan Kroenke St. Louis Rams $5.3 billion
Stephen Ross Miami Dolphins $4.8 billion
Malcolm Glazer Tampa Bay Buccaneers $4.5 billion
Shahid Khan Jacksonville Jaguars $3.8 billion
Jerry Jones Dallas Cowboys $3 billion
Robert Kraft New England Patriots $2.9 billion
Stephen Bisciotti Baltimore Ravens $2.1 billion
Bob McNair Houston Texans $2 billion
Arthur Blank Atlanta Falcons $1.7 billion
Jim Irsay Indianapolis Colts $1.6 billion
Jimmy Haslam Cleveland Browns $1.45 billion
William Ford Sr. Detroit Lions $1.4 billion
Tom Benson New Orleans Saints $1.3 billion
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